My story: Which side do you want to hear? The side that makes me look like a champ?
The side that makes me look like a spoiled rotten brat?
The side that makes me look like I pushed through adversity, or the side that makes me look like I created a whole lot of shit for myself?
How about the days I feel confident and I’m ready to take over the world…or the days that I run to bury my head? I have many of each….and depending on how I’m feeling will be the deciding factor of which story I share.
Mindfulness Story: I strive to live and be in the moment, the shitty thing is….my memory is so bad I don’t always remember it later on. But in the moment…I’m connected to so many things that sometimes I can’t put words to them. Some people call that spirituality…and I do to some days. Other days, I call it dyslexia…it’s hard to put words to things…so I feel them. So all of this is based on how I feel….good luck, I hope you survive my story!
Earlier This Week: Tomorrow, I’m presenting on mindfulness to help prevent burnout. I have all sorts of ideas to introduce it. Like right now its 2:45am, so really later today I’m doing a mindfulness presentation. I’m thinking about how we drive mindlessly on auto pilot and end up at our destination not always sure how we got there. How we are thinking about everything that has already happened and how we could have changed it. And, if we are not thinking about our past we are often worrying about the future. But whose living right now in the moment? When we go to sleep at night we are kept awake by our to do list or our worries. I often lay in the house without anything on and process my thoughts. Then I go to sleep and begin the process in my dreams. You know the type where you’re dreaming about peeing and you wake up knowing you have to pee; it’s like that except I’m dreaming about the characters in my life that I’m anticipating seeing. That shit is exhausting, it’s like having to go through your day twice. Some times more because I’ve read your supposed to visualize and practice things. Hard conversations that I’m anxious about end up taking over my night before, my dream, and the time leading up…so you’re probably wondering, what the hell do I know about living in the moment then. Remember, I asked which story you wanted. We can twist it however we want. Here’s my other side….
I learned hypnosis for a study in 2000. I used it to work on my own anxiety…you know…the “what if’s”. I became a social worker and learned how to talk to myself.
While we’re talking about talking to ourselves…I am so in tuned to my self talk! One night I had a full conversation about it. My thoughts were so loud in my head, I started to wonder if they were always that loud, and do I annunciate this well in my head all of the time. Then I loudly thought…do I usually visualize my thoughts because I have never noticed them being that loud. Then I stopped trying to think to try to quiet my mind so I can observe how my next thoughts or pictures came to me. Now, that was a long night!
Back to my other side. So in the end, I learned how to identify my self-defeating thoughts. These are the thoughts that may not be based in facts or fortune-telling thoughts (see other common thinking errors). I learned how to reframe or challenge these thoughts. I used relaxation to calm myself, and I have learned to be mindful throughout my day. Now, I didn’t say all day, everyday. But I am learning to live in the moment. To be a part of my experiences. To enjoy my experiences, to feel heart ache, to feel pain, to feel love, excitement and ambivalence. And when I work at it…I can feel unpleasant feelings with out my running, “let’s tear Liat down”, commentary.
In the end, Forest Gump’s mother was right! “…life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” Since that’s the case, doesn’t it make since to be able to experience each piece for what it is, instead of how you wish you never touched the last or in fear of the next!
Note to self- quit taking long ass naps!
Authentically Liat 